Stumbling Towards Holiness

Talking about pornography with anyone, in any form, in any context, is...awkward, to say the least. For most of my life, I intentionally avoided talking about it with anyone, and was even willing to lie to avoid having conversations about it. And yet, in God's counterintuitive upside down kingdom kind of way, I've found over the years, that some of the deepest, most powerful, life and heart changing conversations I've ever had, were centered around struggling with pornography.

Why is this? Well, that's a good question (is it weird that I just told myself that was a good question?). I think these conversations were so powerful, because they were so real. I was so ashamed of struggling with pornography, but I couldn't stop. Why couldn't I stop?! It was almost like I was two different people. I can't remember when I first read Romans 7, but when I came across Romans 7:15, I felt truly understood. Paul, this spiritual giant, was suddenly relatable. In it he says, '15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.' Amen. Amen. Amen. Paul, YES! I don't understand why I do what I don't want to do either. And while sometimes I don't want to, other times, I do, because I keep on doing it. So what do I do?! How do I stop?! What's the answer?! HELP!!!!!

The answer, or better yet, answers, didn't come for many years after I first read that verse. It came after reading books, praying, letting others in, going for longer stretches without struggling, followed by shorter stretches with lots of struggling. I'd see lots of progress, and then feel like I started right back at square one. But finally, eventually, after lots of stumbling, lots of conversations with God, and lots of conversations with a few close friends who had the wisdom that comes from having walked with God through suffering and come out on the other side somehow even better and more grateful and gentle and kind than before, I became free. It was a battle, and still can be. But I've been free from pornography for 8 years.

So...What does all of this have to do with you? Well, maybe nothing. If you aren't struggling, you probably won't be able to relate to this. But if you are struggling, and you can relate, I'd love to talk to you. I don't want to shame you. I don't want to give you some big list of things to start doing or try to pump you up and imply that getting porn out of your life is possible if you just follow a few simple steps. No. I just want to listen, and hear your story, and see if any of the things I learned during my journey to freedom can be helpful to you.

And yes, *GULP* this involves money. And yes, money, much like pornography, can be awkward to talk about. I do charge to help men struggling with pornography, not because I want to withhold something helpful, but so I can provide for my family, and maybe even do this full time and have the time to help more men than I currently have time to. Either way, the first call is free, and even if you know from the get go you won't be able to pay, I'd still love to talk, hear your story, and at the very least share a few of the insights I learned along my journey.