Deep Waters

Mentoring Ministry‚Äč

3 Ways To Ruin A Party, Guaranteed 

1. When someone asks you what you do for work, tell them you're a campus minister.

Don't worry, the crickets will keep you company the rest of the night.

  • I'm only half joking. Many people are very curious about what I do when I tell them I'm a campus minister. I don't think I've met a single person who didn't at least smile and try to say something nice. But, religion is a loaded topic, so I get why people don't always know how to respond, and quickly change the subject.

2. Upperdecker their toilet

  • If you don't know what this is, consider yourself blessed. I'm hesitant to tell you what it is, because it is, as the kids say, uncouth (well, maybe British kids who go to a fancy private boarding school would say it's uncouth, but normal kids would probably just laugh and say it's gross). An upper decker is when you...ahem...go number 2 in the upper tank of a toilet, rather than in the toilet bowl. This involves taking the top off of the toilet, balancing oneself precariously on the edge of the tank, and...well, you get the picture. You then put the lid back on, and leave the scene of the crime (I mean, you wash your hands too, unless you're completely uncouth).

  • Note: A wonderful friend of mine did this at a party in college and then fled th scene of the crime. He actually went home! Unfortunately, the person who lived in the home and for whom the party was being thrown, discovered that his deck had been uppered, and was so offended that he stopped the party, announced what had happened, and went around person by person, looking each individual in the eye, and asked if they had done it, as the shocked group stood and watched. Because my friend was no longer at the party, he couldn't take the blame, and had no idea that he had single handedly ruined the party. Again, this actually happened, but I will not reveal my friends identity for anything less than $20. You can Venmo me if you really want to know.

3. Talk about sexual purity

'Hi crickets from 'way to ruin a party option number one' above, I'm so glad you guys are still here... wait...where are you going?'

  • Can you imagine talking about sexual purity, sexual struggles, or anything in that vein at of all places...gulp...a party?! No! Why would you? A party is supposed to be fun! And talking about the deep, broken places of our lives isn't on most people's top 10 fun activities list. time, believe it or not, talking about sexual struggles at a party actually made it a lot better.

I met one of my best friends at a mutual friend's birthday party a few years ago. We sat down across from each other, drink in hand, and started getting to know one another. I'm not sure how we ended up getting here, but somehow, someway, all of sudden in a manner that fit the context of the conversation, he opened up and told me he struggled with pornography.

It was such a surreal moment. We were surrounded by people who were laughing and chit chatting, and good music was playing in the background, and here was this guy who I had literally met twenty minutes before, and he was sharing about one of the most vulnerable things a person can share about. And yet, far from ruining the party, it made it so much better.

I am not recommending anyone try this. He had just met me, and as we've already discussed, we were at a party! However, I'm so glad he let me in. In a world starving for authenticity, he bucked small talk and let me into his life. It was so refreshing because it was so real. I also opened up about how pornography had been a huge struggle for me for many years, and we got to talk about some things that helped fight against it versus things that didn't.

This was the beginning of an incredible friendship, and here's what's so amazing about it to me: Deep down, we are so afraid that if people see the real us and what we struggle with, the ugly stuff, they'll run away. But instead of hiding, my friend very courageously shared where he was really at, and an instant connection was formed. Sharing something he was struggling with and ashamed of actually helped a budding friendship flourish. I immediately felt closer to him than I felt to friends I'd know for years. Why? Because when we share our real selves and real struggles with the right person, far from making them run away, it allows them to know and love the real us. When someone does this with us, it allows us to be imperfect and flawed with them too. It allows us to also be known, and this is what we're made for.

So where does this leave us? When it comes to sexual sin, the statistics are astounding. Almost two out of three men watch porn every month, 50% watch it every week, and 25% watch it daily. If you don't struggle with porn, you are in the minority. So here's my advice: If you're struggling, let someone in. If you used to struggle, and aren't now, also let someone in, because if the above statistics are true, someone you know is struggling and could use your help! The bottom line is: We need to talk about how we're doing with porn, because the majority of people are struggling.

And finally, if you don't know who to talk to, would you consider sending me a message here on linked in? I know that takes a lot of courage, and a lot of trust, especially with someone you either haven't met or don't know very well. But I want you to know that you're not alone, and even if we don't work together, maybe it will be a stepping stone to you letting some people who really do know you into your life. You won't scare me away. I'd love to talk, and I'd love to remind you that it's ok to struggle, and that there's hope.  And hey, if you have upperdeckered a toilet, you can tell me that too. That WILL scare me a little, but the gospel applies to that too ;-)

Weekly 1 hour one-on-one meeting with
Ken to cover content
tailored to indivdual's specific needs.
Duration: 4,6, or 8 weeks 

*With option to extend
Cost: 4 meetings: $299 

6 meetings: $429 

8 meetings: $549 



Ken speaks at men's retreats as well as one off events, offering both lecture based messages and interactive

workshops on topics such as: Living a life of sexual integrity, practical steps  to fight sexual sin, creating a personalized battle plan, and more.  

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Weekly 1 hour in person or closed zoom group of 6-8 men will read and discuss the book 'Surfing for God' with Ken, and cover other related content.
Duration: 9 weeks
 Cost: $199 

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